{I’m back! I want to apologize for not keeping up with the project during the past month. Soon after my last blog post went up, an unexpected family emergency came up, and I had to take a bit of a hiatus. But I’m back now, and ready to keep the discussion going!}

This week, I want to talk about sexual abuse. First, I want to stress how vitally important it is that we approach this subject as a unified body of believers. Men and women must be equally involved in this discussion, and my prayer is that we will be generous in our patience and compassion with one another.

Sexual violence on college campuses is a hot topic right now. What if we stepped in earlier, educating younger adolescents about consent and what constitutes abuse?

In their research on teen dating violence, Oudekerk, Blachman-Demner, and Mulford from the National Institute of Justice emphasize the important role that teenagers play in each other’s lives. The authors say that “researchers have begun to identify risky or antisocial characteristics of teens’ broader peer social environments that increase the risk for dating violence.” They go on to summarize some of these sobering findings. In addition to this, the authors discuss the ways in which peers impact how teens respond to dating violence. “Studies have identified two ways in which peers play a role in the aftermath of dating violence: (1) Peers often serve as first responders to dating violence, and (2) peers can hinder or encourage legal help-seeking in the form of a protection order.”

If social environments and peers are so important in helping or hindering the prevalence of abuse, then youth groups should be a crucial environment where healthy relationships can be encouraged. This kind of Christian environment is where teenagers can have Christ-centered guidance in their friendships, and ideally, this would provide an opportunity for accountability, for tough questions to be asked, and for Christ to be glorified.

There are two problems that I want to discuss: (1) consent and (2) what constitutes sexual abuse.

A lot of teenagers don’t understand consent. Heck, a lot of adults don’t understand consent! This is a wide-reaching problem, even in the Christian community. In a study of Evangelical Christian dating books, Sarah Moon looks at how these kinds of books address rape and sexual assault. Moon says that in these books, people — particularly women — are often denied autonomy over their own bodies. This leads her to a point that serves as an example of how we (Christians) have failed to educate our teenagers about consent.

“When people, especially women, do not have the right to autonomy over their bodies, it is not surprising when their right to choose whether or not to have sex is ignored or minimized. In these books, I found that, though some language seemed to promote ideas of consent, it only did so to mask the fact that women are limited to choosing from one option. Before marriage, that option is to say ‘no’ to sex, while after marriage, that option is to say ‘yes.’”

Secondly, we need to talk about what constitutes sexual abuse. In her Time article on why victims of rape in college do not report their experiences, Eliza Gray cites a survey from 2007 that was funded by the U.S. Department of Justice. This survey “showed that just over 35% of victims said that they didn’t report to law enforcement because it was ‘unclear that it was a crime or that harm was intended.’” Gray quotes Colby Bruno, Senior Legal Counsel at the Victim Rights Law Center, who said, “Victims don’t often identify it as a crime because they know the person, they trusted the person, [and they had a] sense of denial or disbelief that it happened.” These victims are confused because they do not understand that rape is often perpetrated by someone who knows the victim.

This problem is not limited to the definition of rape. Other types of sexual abuse such as inappropriate touching and even coercion are not always understood by the victim to be a form of abuse. There are many reasons for this, and one stands out to me as particularly important to address with teenagers. Nicole Braddock Bromley addresses this issue in her book, Hush: Moving from Silence to Healing After Childhood Sexual Abuse.

“I will never forget the day I came to understand that our bodies are made to respond to touch. My body didn’t betray me; it was doing what it was supposed to do! It just wasn’t supposed to be awakened to touch in the way and at the time that it was. Once I accepted this truth, I was able to completely understand that it was not my fault! It was my stepfather’s fault.

It’s important to understand that your body’s involuntary response to touch isn’t the same as consent. You may have enjoyed the feeling, but you didn’t enjoy being robbed of your innocence. You didn’t enjoy having someone more powerful than you force his sin upon you. You didn’t enjoy being abused.”

Sadly, I don’t think this experience is uncommon. Victims don’t realize they are being abused because their bodies are working the way they were meant to. This doesn’t mean they aren’t uncomfortable, but when teenagers are getting the message that they need to be wanted in order to be somebody, they will convince themselves that their discomfort is worth it, or that it is irrational, so they try to ignore it. They are afraid of the negative consequences that may arise if they say something. Perhaps they will lose their friends or their reputation, or maybe the abuser or his friends will retaliate.

These are issues that arise in sexual abuse cases regardless of the age of the offender or the victim, but since teenagers’ social lives are so central to their identities, it is important that we address this in the church. Hopefully we can create a safe space in the church, with peers who can be a positive influence and leaders who can facilitate discussion and encourage a better understanding of sexual abuse.

In closing, I want to stress the need for holistic conversations on this topic. We can’t solely focus on the victims or the offenders; we must give attention to both sides. We must equip teenagers to be able to identify if they or someone they know is a victim of sexual abuse. On the other hand, potential offenders need to understand what behavior is acceptable and what is not. Some abusers, especially teenagers, do what they do because they don’t realize that it’s wrong.

For discussion on this topic, I’d like to ask for your thoughts on what methods you think would be most beneficial.

1. What kinds of talks should take place in large group settings, and what should be saved for small group settings?
2. Given the importance of peers, is it possible for a leader to step in too far in this area, and hinder the teenagers’ relationships within their peer groups in the church setting?
3. If so, how can leaders be involved and facilitate healthy discussions without being overly involved?

**Note: I reserve the right to use comments left on this blog as part of my research for this project and any further related projects**